GAWKER: You down with OPiP(hones)?
US: Yes, you know me.

Here’s the story:

A little ways back, some dude at a German beer garden gets hammered and steals an early iPhone prototype from a blitzed Apple engineer. Couple weeks later, the enterprising thief sells said iPhone prototype to Gawker gadget blog Gizmodo for $5000. The story blows up, as the secret stolen merchandise proves irresistibly fascinating to Apple fanpeople worldwide. Flash forward to yesterday, as California police raid the home of Gizmodo editor Jason Chen, seizing a whole bunch of computers, alleging a criminal conspiracy.

File this under “is there any way this can possibly be true?” but civil liberty groups are now insisting yesterday’s search and seizure ran afoul of state and federal shield laws:

There are both federal and state laws here in California that protect reporters and journalists from search and seizure for their news gathering activities…But even if they are saying it was unlawful (to purchase the prototype iPhone), the statute appears to say it doesnÂ’t matter. The crime that youÂ’re investigating cannot be receipt of that information or materials.”

This would seem to be a fairly broad interpretation of journalistic shield law, granting any blogger with a modem and a LiveJournal account a 007-level license to to commit felonies in the service of amassing trivial information of limited public import. Which is to say…

MAKE THIS A MOVIE!

The dramatic potential here is HUGE; it’s Grisham meets Crichton by way of Wired magazine, the next mid-budget, high-grossing techno-legal-eagle-crime thriller. And there are bloggers involved. We LOVE bloggers. Topical.

Let’s Hollywood this effer up.

First note: iPhone prototype? Too everyday. Blah. Not sexy. Better? Steve Jobs’…children. Young children. But not too young. One is newly post-infancy. The boy. He’s four. The girl? She’s 13. Smart. Precocious. Like her dad.

They’ve been kidnapped from a San Francisco beer garden. By Germans! Nazis. Neo Nazis. The kids have vital inside information on Jobs’ next high tech venture. But it can’t be a next-gen iPhone. It’s something bigger:

Rogue nuclear weaponry. Multitasking. Portable. With stunning minimalist industrial design.

THE HERO

Cut to a slovenly, over dedicated veteran reporter, Cal. Writes for a blog. Gruff, uninviting, but with a reluctant heart of gold. He’s hot on the story, gradually infiltrating the Neo Nazi terrorpod cell. He has an in with one of the guards. He purchases Jobs’ kids. But not for $5000. Who is he, Dr. Evil? For like…$500,000,000. Does he return the kidnapped kids? No. He keeps them. They have vital information he needs for this mind blowing story. It will change lives/drive a shitload of traffic. Shield law, baby!

He’s running from Jobs, running from the Nazis, running from the cops. Just on the edge, all in service of the greater good, a paragon of journalistic integrity.

This is good, this is it, we’re hitting three quadrants here.

CASTING

This thing casts itself: For Jobs we need…Mel Gibson. He’s perfect, a natural. And due for a comeback. GIVE ME BACK MY IPHONE SON.

Jason Chen? Either that dude from The Hangover with the tiny penis or Rachel McAdams. Depending on which way we go.

Gawker CEO Nick Denton? Graham Norton. Or Steve Coogan. Or Eddie Izzard. Anyone, really.

Lastly: the grizzled journalist who purchases the kidnapped kids? Gotta be Russell Crowe. Brilliant. Blunt. Bearded. He can throw an iPhone at a hotel bellhop. Referential.

Greenlight this fucker.