For the rest of the month, Outback Steakhouse will generously provide all veterans and active military with a free Bloomin’ Onion.

This promotion seems so painfully obvious, so clearly motivating for both service member and plain citizen alike, I’m surprised neither Presidents Bush nor Obama developed a similar deal when attempting to sell a souring public on their unpopular war plans.

What better way to inspire our men and women in uniform, while further promoting solidarity with their protectorates back home, than the far-off possibility of a limited time offer of an Australian recipe ripoff of Chili’s classic American Awesome Blossom?

These are the times that try men’s souls! He that stands by his country now, deserves the love and thanks of man and woman, and a large, sliced onion, breaded, deep fried and arranged to look like a flower.*

Lucky for freedom, the savvy folks at Outback Steakhouse and OSI Restaurant Partners had the foresight to develop this promotion, thus circumventing what I am sure to be President Obama’s natural instincts toward a socialist Bloomin’ Onion handout; the free market saw a need and fulfilled it most efficiently.

Semper Fibloomin’ Onion.

* (Offer only available for the month of March at participating locations. Let’s not get too ridiculous.)