From 1992 to 1997, Boyz II Men spent a total of 54 weeks with a Billboard #1 single. Five singles, three of which broke a previous record for longest rein at #1. The phrase “#1″ appears in their Wikipedia profile 11 times.

The most significant hit of this impressive reign of dominance was “One Sweet Day,” a collaboration with Mariah Carey that spent a (still) record 16 weeks in the top spot. Mariah Carey herself, during this same period, charted 7 of her 18 career #1s, encompassing a total of 43 weeks.

That is to say, from 1992 to 1997, the top spot on the Billboard Hot 100 was held be either Boyz II Men, Mariah Carey, and/or Boyz II Men and Mariah Carey, for a total of 81 weeks (out of 260).

Were these guys really that good, or were the mid 90s that devoid of pop competition?

Ok, so.

The US financial system has been taken hostage by a zombified incarnation of Carlton Banks, whose debts resulting from the sale of substandard prime rib submarine sandwiches have been shored up by implicit and/or explicit credit support from Uncle Phil. Yes?

Enter Timmy, who has sent Lassie to purchase a brood of toxic donkeys from Carlton at potentially inflated prices. Once the donkeys are out of Bel-Air and Uncle Phil has thrown Jazzy Jeff out the front door, the money supply frees up, enabling Hilary to continue shopping for some new outfits, thus providing the foreplay necessary for the recent broad national dose of Cialis to bestow upon America a steady five hour erection. Right?

But will it work? Mr. Feeny doesn’t think so.

** Only just now hitting me that it’s definitely a toxic goat in that picture, not a donkey. Damn you Google Image Search!!!

A libertarian-leaning friend sends over this column by Uni Chicago Economists and Hoover Institute Fellows Gary Becker (Nobel Laureate!) and Kevin Murphy, advocating a “do no harm” approach to the current crisis.

Some smart dudes, about as articulate as it comes when arguing against government overreach into free market capitalism. Though count me as not particularly persuaded in the midst of the current poo fest (is Obama really pushing card check as a solution to the credit implosion? Really? I hadn’t noticed.)

All merits aside, though, I’m still baffled as to why their famed libertarian institution has survived nearly 100 years with the same name.

If you’re going to develop ideas promoting a laissez-faire approach to capitalism, why why why name your institution after Herbert Hoover? It’s almost too clean a satirical joke.

Behold the Führer’s on-camera meltdown over the unlikely marriage between the Buffalo Bills and Terrell Owens:

“And you know what the worst part is? I just bought a James Hardy jersey. You can bet TO will steal his number 81.”

Count me as glad the rumors proved incorrect; Hitler simply isn’t a Pats fan.

Nepotism, I have them same nipples, cute.

How many 16th century Parisian-style merchants
must I charm
to colonize my mother’s reunion barbeque?

French Canadians in their blue jeans,
wearing bell-bottom Heritage under a Tree of ferris Wheels,

in a pro-creative Park amongst the wooded clearings of Southern Maine,
reuniting under exile of Nova Scotian oral history.

Cobblers the sons of cobblers the sons of older cobblers,
bankers the mothers of bankers the mothers of younger bankers;
7 generations of Bachand mechanics.

Sweet Barbara, bequeathed maitre d’ of a proud familial arch.
And then,
Her son, A SENATOR!
Her nephew, A GOVERNOR!
Her grandson, A SENATOR!

SWEET HIGH TRAVESTY CRIME
AGAINST THE MERITOCRACY!!!!11!!

GRRRRRRRDIESDIESDIES
ANGRY!!!!!!111!!!!!!MOOOOBBBBBBBB!!!!!!111!!!!!!!!

My apologies to the Pitch Forks.
I will bank, I will bank.

As further evidence that Twitter has taken over all manners of human communication, CNN writes up a little tweetish battle over the ellusive search for a gender neutral pronoun:

“Can’t we English-speakers just agree upon a gender-neutral pronoun?” attorney Paul Easton recently Twittered. “Tired of PC grammar gymnastics.”

…

Consider the sentence “Everyone loves his mother.” The word “his” may be seen as both sexist and inaccurate, but replacing it with “his or her” seems cumbersome, and “their” is grammatically incorrect.

But that’s silly. “Their” is it! “Their” is what we agreed upon! “Their” is the daring little pronoun the English language chose!

If we’re in such desperate need of a gender neutral pronoun, then we should simply stop correcting people when they say “everyone loves their mother.” How is using their in that sentence any more grammatically incorrect than using ip or thon or any of the other nonsense word jabberwoky the article mentions?

Sure it might be slightly messy or logically inconsistent, but 1) this is English, the bastard stepchild of tribal West Germany and whoreish France, and 2) we’ve actually been using a singular they for like 600 years.

Some old school English speaker had a problem, and they* solved it! A long time ago, and no one seemed to notice.

* See! See!